Finding a Sense of Purpose

Michelle Casey, Journal Page, "I am Feeling...", Collage/Mixed Media: acrylic paint, magazine fragments, pen, 8.5 x 6 inches, June 16 2010 (See bottom of page for text from journal page)

Its funny how every so often when I’m feeling depressed about choosing the artist’s life, the universe seems to give me a sign that my struggles are not in vain. Here’s a great example of one such experience…

Last week I was sitting at Tim Horton’s having a coffee feeling very miserable. I’d been sick for three weeks and, as well as taking a bit of time to rest, I’d also been doing a lot of work. Unlike my old government job where I got paid for sick leave, my art business doesn’t allow me the privilege of taking time off to solely recover. In some cases, I can control deadlines and in others I can’t. These are the days when I really regret leaving my cushy government job. Back then some of my work was even done for me! As an artist/entrepreneur, the work just piles up!

Anyway, while I was sitting there brooding, I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between a couple. The middle-aged woman’s impassioned voice was the loudest while the man beside her spoke in whispers. By his thoughtful nods I sensed he was a close confidante. Holding back tears, she revealed she would soon be retiring from her office job and had recently attended a seminar on philosophy and life. Through it she came to the realization that her life had no meaning or purpose. She admitted while at times, her children had given her a purpose, she felt there was more to her than just being someone’s: mom, wife, daughter or sister. She recalled a time when she was just a little girl; then she felt special — like she was pre-destined to do great things… yet as she grew older she settled into a very ordinary existence. At this age, not knowing her purpose was eating her up inside and further she didn’t know how she would go about finding it…

I wanted to jump in, give her a hug and tell her she could journal or make a list of goals she’d like to attain and try vision boarding, but I didn’t want to appear nosy so I resisted the urge and hoped her good friend would give her some guidance. Letting go of my self-pity, I felt much empathy for her situation. Over a decade ago I felt a similar way about leaving my government job; if my plans as an artist didn’t pan out, what would I do? I realized how lucky I was now, despite everything, to have the chance to live out my dream of being an artist… to have found the guts to follow a path that’s not neatly laid out for me; to have the financial and emotional support of my partner and the encouragement of good friends to spur me on. I thought: Wow, I have a purpose! Something this woman would probably kill for right here and now. As I explore the different aspects of myself through art, each day brings a keener sense of self-awareness, clarity, and purpose. In the end, I don’t think all hope is lost for this woman because, even though she might not realize it, she has already embarked upon a potentially incredible journey by asking herself this important question.

Text from Journal Page (above): Today I am feeling a little depressed about things. Wondering where my art career will go. It didn’t help that I saw a show about Van Gogh last night. This morning I didn’t know if I could make any art. But when I went down to my subterranean studio and put on my favourite playlist the images started to come to me as they always do. Creating gives me hope.

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