My hubby Kevin Casey... first spring in our new home...
Many of you have seen how supportive my husband Kevin was at my blog talk radio interview the other week. Now I was thinking some of you might have been surprised to hear Liana Voia, the interviewer, refer to him as a “white male.” We three talked about this after the interview because she was afraid it might have offended him. But no, having a wife in university bandying about these terms for nearly a decade in academic papers, he’s gotten used to it for the most part. Simply put, in academic terms, the privileged “white male” describes a category of person who shares elite privileges in society while many others (ie. disenfranchised women, people of colour, indigenous peoples, etc.) have/do not. While in the world of academia this term is common place, in the real world it may come off as offensive to some. With the passing of time, I’ve come to realize while in the academic world there must be categories to aid discussions, in the real world, there are those from these categories who are always transcending them… like my dear husband…
As a white somewhat middle-class male married to a lower-middle class immigrant woman of colour, for 25 years Kevin has dealt first-hand with the effects immigration and racism have had on my life, career and spirit; he has done everything in his power to help me overcome them. Without his knowledge of Canadian culture, emotional and financial support, I wouldn’t have survived this far or even had the opportunity or courage to study art or start my own business.
Kevin's Aunts Anne (back) and Georgie Casey at our 1988 wedding...
When Kevin and I married decades ago, mixed marriages were not yet in vogue. Many were surprised I married a white Canadian man rather than someone from my Asian background… everyone that is except my grandmother Maria Magdalena. The day Kevin and I got married this petite woman raised a small bony finger to me and said with a mischievous smile: “I always knew you would marry a white boy!” I think it was the longest English sentence she uttered to me in my entire life! Not having gone to university then, I was naturally offended. Granny hadn’t gone to university either; she was simply voicing her own racial prejudices. I wanted to tell her I was marrying Kevin because he shared my values and beliefs; had a spectacular sense of humour; an appreciation for arts and was someone whose kindness and gentle spirit calmed my soul but I didn’t know if she would understand this. You see, for a number of years, my father’s Goan family had hopes I’d marry a boy (preferably a doctor) from their culture to keep my father’s ironically already mixed East Indian-Portuguese (Goan) blood-line pure! My father had disappointed them years before by marrying my mother, an Anglo-Indian (mix of British and Indian), against their wishes. My mom bore the brunt of not being the perfect wife because she came from a culture that was deemed lower than his. It caused so much pain in our lives. Like my father, I resisted this absurd family tradition to follow my heart…
Salvador Dali's "Crucifixion" (Corpus Hypercubus), Oil on canvas, 1954
Many have wondered too, especially those coming from certain feminist perspectives, why I didn’t keep my family name – I got so much grief for this at university. Well, to be quite honest, I had such unhappy life experiences with my maiden name, I felt becoming a Casey would change my life for the better and it did. I inherited in-laws who warmly welcomed me, particularly the older generation which surprised me – Kevin’s mother Frances and father Charlie made me feel like family from the start. His Aunts Georgie and Anne (on his father’s side) even shared my appreciation for fine art. I remember Georgie, a gentle, soft-spoken woman (a former school teacher) in her late seventies taking a photo postcard of Surrealist Salvador Dali’s “Crucifixion” out of her purse to let me know it was one of her favourite paintings! – revealing a breath-taking open-mindedness I had never encountered in my own family. I viewed this as a good omen; a promising start to my new life as Casey and it proved true. I’ve found my life’s path because Kevin Casey believed in me from the start. He convinced me to go to university to study art when I had given up on my dreams of ever becoming an artist. Since then, my life has been irrevocably transformed thanks to his love and generousity. Thank you my dear Kevin… you’re truly an angel beyond category or classification!
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